Hello there! I know it's been a while since I last wrote. If you follow me on Twitter, you may remember that I mentioned I might write a blog post about the #WhatWillYouDoNext hashtag that I tweeted about, out of respect for a friend of mine from high school. It's taken me a long time to sit down and write this, probably because I wanted to do it justice, but was scared of failing. Fear or no fear, I will just do my best to share my part of the experience, and how #WhatWillYouDoNext popped up at the perfect moment.
My friend is an amazing lady, but I haven't chatted with her except minimally over Facebook, since high school, and that was, well...a while ago. I also don't like Facebook, and only got an account so my friends would stop nagging me. It is useful since I have many friends who are all over the country (some in other countries). I only check Facebook once in a while. That particular day, I was dwelling on my life and current path. I'm the kind of person who has always had plans and goals; some greater purpose in mind. Lately I haven't had that, and it hasn't been a very pleasant feeling for me. I still feel like the kid asking, "what do I want to do when I grow up?" It's difficult to feel successful or to feel like you've made progress in life when you're STILL at that stage. I started to feel like a failure (and still struggle with that) because I no longer fit into the stereotypical lifestyles and choices. So many people find themselves in similar situations, and none of us sat around thinking about our five or ten-year plans saying, "wow, I really hope I'm still up-in-the-air about what to do in life, and don't meet any of the standard symbols of success."
I'm always pretty hard on myself, and I like it that way, but sometimes I do need to...readjust my expectations. As a stubborn, sort-of control freak, this is reeeeally difficult to do. I always expect more out of myself, and when life hands you certain things that place limits on the type of person you want to be, and the types of things you want to do, it can really be a nasty curve ball. I don't know about you, but I always seem to get caught up in the mindset of "what am I going to do with the rest of my life?"
That is such a dumb question for me to keep asking myself. It's like looking at a giant mountain and trying to see something on the other side. Not only is it a sort of ridiculous thing to ask oneself, but it also doles out a not-so-healthy serving of anxiety, doubt, and sometimes self-loathing. All because you obviously can't see through a solid mountain to the other side. We have no idea any given day what life is going to throw at us. I wasn't really thinking sensibly though, as I pulled up Facebook on one of those rare occasions, literally in that moment pondering what I should do with my life (because there's not many moments in which that isn't in the back of my mind).
I had a new friend request that day, which is odd since I've turned into a veritable hermit. Now, I don't usually friend people that I don't know personally; I had only made one exception to that personal rule after checking out the person's profile. So, I pulled up the profile of this new person, and they had a little quote there. It said, ' The question you must ask isn't what you will do, it's What Will You Do Next? ' It was as if a little angel had randomly come to me with a profile that literally spelled out how my mindset needed to change. I suddenly realized so clearly that I'd been stifling myself with an unnecessarily huge question. All I needed to be asking myself each day, was "What will I do next?".
I sat there for a moment just letting that sink in, and felt a huge sense of relief. I realized that maybe right now, I don't need some sort of life "destination", but instead maybe this was supposed to be my time to learn who I am now, and figure out who I will continue to be, despite the changes and setbacks that I've experienced, so that my kids can see that I'm still trying, still learning new things, and that I'm adapting. Maybe I need to learn to take things in smaller bite-sized chunks, just like I break down tasks on a to-do list so I don't get overwhelmed.
As you might imagine, I immediately accepted the friend request of this mystery angel, and with a deep sense of gratefulness, continued on into my normal Facebook page. It was then, that I found out who my new friend was. Shauna Strattonmeier, sister-in-law to one of my best friends from high school, and she had about two weeks left to live. Sorrow, and heartbreak collided with my joy and relief, resulting in a very odd sense of emotional tug-of-war. Even before I saw my friend's request to spread the hashtag of #WhatWillYouDoNext? I knew that I had to do something for this angel whom I had never met, and would never get to meet. I wanted to have this blog done before she left our world for a much better place, so she could see that even without knowing people directly, she had made a difference.
I found myself unable to write though. With that one small sentence on a stranger's profile, I had been given a lot to think about, and needed to spend time processing. I couldn't think of a suitable title, then thought of a perfect one as I was cooking dinner one night, and promptly forgot it again because I didn't have a way to record or write it as I stirred sauce and noodles. Hopefully, I'll think of a passable title, because as of now I'm still stumped. This isn't exactly my normal crafty-related post, and it's super long. This blog post I wanted to write, became even more of a journey for me, similar to the crafting journey I write about normally. I found out things about my angel, and I'm certain we would have been very good friends. Turns out she loved crafty things as well, had a heart for others, and even had a lot of the same other interests as I do. It seems like she would have been the type of person to help others discover their own creative journeys so it seemed fitting, after finding out more about her, to include her on this blog about creative journeys.
'What will you do next?' is the perfect question for any journey. What will you try for your next creative challenge? What will you do next with your job? With your family? With your friends? What will you do next today? Whether it is a small thing like brushing teeth, or something more time-consuming like finally building a piece of furniture you've always wanted to build, take small steps. Try a thing you're interested in, pursue something you love, and those steps will eventually get you to the other side of that mountain. More importantly, it will free up your mind to learn more as you go, and allow you to focus on the journey itself, and the people who impact you, and who you want to impact. It's a nice way to help us remember what is most important to us, instead of getting caught up in arbitrary goals based on worldly standards that don't really mean anything at the end of the day.
So, don't overwhelm yourself on your creative journey, or life journey. One step at a time is still progress. #WhatWillYouDoNext? Share in the comments if you would like to do so!